Empress t. Thank you for taali talking as much as you do, first off. Secondly, I am freewriting this, so I can't claim it will be all kinds of awesome, only real.
1) You exemplify how to handle, battle, and conquer a whole lotta things, which your life's history can attest. You do. Plain and simple.
2) Speaking from my own experience with a you-can't-make-it-up health thing, I hope you'll take this as I intend it, which is sharing a lesson I learned late and still, somehow, do not apply.
And this is to give yourself permission to feel angry about whatever may have f---ed up things in your life.
This feeling of whatever you want to call it may not necessarily be directed at people (though it can and ought to be (because, health insurance, and I may be able to help there). It may not necessarily be targeting things, places, programs.
I got caught up in gratitude over everything. I still am. Maybe not "caught up," and rooted in it. While I know it's the healthier fuel for me, accompanied by relief, hope, and love, I was wrong to deny myself feeling mad about things.
While we can't necessarily blame people for everything when s--- goes sideways, people will play roles in the recovery, the rebuild, and the reset. I thought, "You're not a victim (meaning the mindset, not the person), you're tough, you'll figure everything out, and how can anyone actually help me with anything that's not structural or financial?"
Because, yes, all sorts of things happen that aren't fair, just, or appropriate.
As a white girl, I am loathe to find fault with much in this life. Same time, 16 years and five months after my life absolutely went haywire, I know I ignored something which I actually had a right to do, and would have been wise to - by myself, in therapy, to my nearest, dearest, and trusted souls - kvetch, kick things, throw darts, and break stuff while I yelled "WTF?!" and "Why?!" as many times as I needed to do it.
Because not doing it allowed my fear and sadness and doubt to fester. They come up unexpectedly and affect things in ways they ought not to do, and of course do because I never let them out.
Empress t, I am confident that your tribe, your village, your family you've built constantly surrounds you with what you need, they see you (i.e., Professor JJ, Queen Jeanette), and they support your skills, your builds, and your absolute presence. Your warriorness has never been applied more than in the last two+ years.
And if you want to bitch out any time, because you have every right to do so, I hope you will if you aren't already doing so.
With respect and love, always in all ways, thank you for all that you do. It's a privilege to read what you write on Sundays. I'm sure I speak for everyone with that.
. . . by any other name will smell as sweet . . .
Time IS wild, darling. & your wit, wisdom & good-hearted unjadedness is a balm to my soul. I ❤️ you.
Empress t. Thank you for taali talking as much as you do, first off. Secondly, I am freewriting this, so I can't claim it will be all kinds of awesome, only real.
1) You exemplify how to handle, battle, and conquer a whole lotta things, which your life's history can attest. You do. Plain and simple.
2) Speaking from my own experience with a you-can't-make-it-up health thing, I hope you'll take this as I intend it, which is sharing a lesson I learned late and still, somehow, do not apply.
And this is to give yourself permission to feel angry about whatever may have f---ed up things in your life.
This feeling of whatever you want to call it may not necessarily be directed at people (though it can and ought to be (because, health insurance, and I may be able to help there). It may not necessarily be targeting things, places, programs.
I got caught up in gratitude over everything. I still am. Maybe not "caught up," and rooted in it. While I know it's the healthier fuel for me, accompanied by relief, hope, and love, I was wrong to deny myself feeling mad about things.
While we can't necessarily blame people for everything when s--- goes sideways, people will play roles in the recovery, the rebuild, and the reset. I thought, "You're not a victim (meaning the mindset, not the person), you're tough, you'll figure everything out, and how can anyone actually help me with anything that's not structural or financial?"
Because, yes, all sorts of things happen that aren't fair, just, or appropriate.
As a white girl, I am loathe to find fault with much in this life. Same time, 16 years and five months after my life absolutely went haywire, I know I ignored something which I actually had a right to do, and would have been wise to - by myself, in therapy, to my nearest, dearest, and trusted souls - kvetch, kick things, throw darts, and break stuff while I yelled "WTF?!" and "Why?!" as many times as I needed to do it.
Because not doing it allowed my fear and sadness and doubt to fester. They come up unexpectedly and affect things in ways they ought not to do, and of course do because I never let them out.
Empress t, I am confident that your tribe, your village, your family you've built constantly surrounds you with what you need, they see you (i.e., Professor JJ, Queen Jeanette), and they support your skills, your builds, and your absolute presence. Your warriorness has never been applied more than in the last two+ years.
And if you want to bitch out any time, because you have every right to do so, I hope you will if you aren't already doing so.
With respect and love, always in all ways, thank you for all that you do. It's a privilege to read what you write on Sundays. I'm sure I speak for everyone with that.
Wish you luck with your medical bills. Still you sound hopeful which is all we have to cling to sometimes